I should be freaking out right now.
I’m receiving a cocktail of poison otherwise known as chemotherapy pumped into my veins every three weeks. I get bloodwork every week to see if the chemo drugs are effective. This has taken center stage in my life since the recurrence of stage four ovarian cancer.
My bloodwork from a few days ago didn’t look so good. Not only are the drugs taking a toll on my immune system which is extremely compromised, but it also shows a rise in a protein cancer antigen. These numbers aren’t supposed to rise but go down.
But as I said, I’m not freaking out. Instead, I have inexplicable peace. No, I’m not delusional from all the drugs! And I’m well aware of the statistics and science of this nefarious disease. Although I have had many anxious moments and some dark days, Jesus has lifted me out of the pit. I’ve learned that He truly will never leave me. So, rather than accept it as fact when I hear that my life has an expiration date that is most likely drawing near, I choose to trust Jesus.
And with trust in Jesus, peace always follows.
Any wise shopper knows to check the expiration date when buying perishable items.
We want the freshest, yummiest food and we want it to last as long as possible. Because of this, (and greed) manufacturers have concocted additives that can prolong the so-called shelf life.
Most of us are familiar with the urban legend about a Twinkie containing so many preservatives that it would last for decades! Frankin Twinkie. Yikes!
But for all of our efforts, living things eventually expire. We are all perishable items. Even though you and I know we will eventually die, it’s not something we like to dwell upon.
Imagine hearing the dreaded words, “Your cancer is back.”
For me, my doctor’s sympathetic voice faded into the background. The world seemed to stop rotating on its axis. Everyone and everything was frozen in place like manakins. I became hyper-aware of my every heartbeat and every breath. Thump, thump. Whoosh. Thump, thump. Woosh.
Thrust into an unwanted episode of The Twilight Zone, I imagined myself frantically running until I was out of breath. Then I looked up and saw myself in a mirror. And there it was . . .numbers stamped across my chest like a prison photo . . .
Expiration Date:
I leaned in, but I couldn’t focus. The darn thing was all fuzzy and smudged. Unreadable!
It was then, I cried out to the Lord God Almighty.
“No one knows their expiration date but YOU, God!”
Nothing had changed, God is still a good God. I still had an amazing family and friends. And my mission was still the same as before cancer: To bring honor and glory to God with whatever gifts and time He has given me.
But I had no idea what I was in for. Yeah, I’d already gone through so much with the first diagnosis—fluid being drained from my lungs and abdomen every week, surgery, chemo, and all the side effects. With God’s help, I did it once, so I could do it again.
Oh, my goodness. I didn’t realize that chemotherapy drugs are cumulative. Meaning it gets harder with each session! I wish I could say that I have held tight to Jesus and never wavered in my faith. But you guys, my faith seemed to grow smaller with each round of chemotherapy and all the horrid side effects. It was brutal. The devil was looming—taunting me with threats of death, and accusing me of having no faith.
But God . . .
On those days right after chemo when I was most vulnerable and my mind was clouded by drugs, and I could not even sit up—His precious Spirit whispered promises to me. When I was wrestling with emotions that were all over the place and feeling like a sniffling, weak baby—I was reminded over and over of His goodness, grace, and love.
Contrary to what I’d always believed, God was not expecting me to be strong and courageous at this point.
No, He wanted me to be still and know He is God.
To be held. To be comforted. To experience Him in ways I never had before.
God was teaching me that troubles are indeed an opportunity for great joy and growth (James 1:2) because I was learning more about His amazing character and how to combat the enemy’s voice. More about that in another post.
I don’t need to inform you that no one escapes difficulty and trials while on this earthly plane. Please hear me when I say, cancer is terrible, yet I know it is only a drop in the bucket compared to all of the suffering happening worldwide. I’m certainly not an expert. For now, I’d like to leave you with a nugget of gold that has come through the fiery trial of cancer.
When the storm clouds blot out the sun and dump showers of hardship, I encourage you to pause and take a moment to draw a deep breath.
The Lord gave me an acronym: AIR
- A—accept the emotion. Allow yourself to feel the feels. Don’t ignore it, stuff it, tough it out, or even slap a Scripture on it. The Bible is powerful, but we must first acknowledge and accept the emotion.
- I—invite God into what you are feeling and/or believing about Him, yourself, and the situation. Close your eyes and breathe three deep breaths through your nose. Be still. Visualize Jesus sitting with you in the emotion.
- R—release your emotion and circumstance to Jesus. I often personalize Philippians 4:5-6 in a prayer. God, You say not to be anxious about anything, yet I’ve been anxious about ____. Thank you that You understand, and for being a good God. As I release this situation into Your care, I look forward to and receive the peace that will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
And last but not least, reach out to others to pray with and for you!
At this point, I still don’t know if I have yet a few more rounds of chemotherapy. I will have a PET scan on July 27. My doctor is taking my case before a board of doctors to see what’s best. At first, I was frantic about all of this. The thought of more chemo literally gave me a panic attack. I have never experienced anything like it and hope I never do again! When I felt like a wave was going to pull me under, my husband, Scott, began to pray aloud over me. And guess what?
ALL the anxiousness disappeared!
Bible study friends.
My daughter and other dear prayer warriors.
I reached out to friends and family to pray also. The prayers of the righteous are powerful! (James 5:16) And I’m happy to report that I am feeling soooo much better. I am stronger physically, mentally, and spiritually. I even went for a walk and baked a cake for my son-in-law’s birthday today.
So, I will wait patiently on the Lord, trusting His perfect timing and will (Psalm 130:5; Micah 7:7). I will live each day with joy and purpose, counting my numerous blessings! I won’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles today (Matthew 6:34).
For we all have an expiration date awaiting us.
Whether or not you believe in God, we will all face Him when we die (Hebrews 9:27-28).
It is my greatest desire to stand before Jesus with every ounce of any gift, talent, and energy that He gave me, all used up in service for Him (Mathew 25:23).
Until then . . .
“This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!” (Psalm 118:24)
I will be in touch soon!
Much love in Christ Jesus,
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left but could say I’ve used everything you gave me.” Erma Bombeck
P.S. It would be my great joy to pray for you. So, either comment below or feel free to reach out via email. And thank you from the bottom of my heart for all who have prayed for me!
Sending love, hugs and contintued prayers. You encourage and inspire me. God has gifted you well and no doubt He is pleased with your use of them. Blessings to you sweet friend.
Thank you, dear Leslie!
All, I have for you is a BIG HUG and a kiss on your cheek. You are one brave person, always inspiring others. You are a true Christian of Christ. 🤎
Marion, thank you for the best compliment I could ever receive.
Big hugs back🥰
Beautifully written, Beckie! You are an inspiration to so many! ❤️
Becky, thank you for your faithful prayers.
I am starting my second chemo treatment on Monday, along with immunotherapy, they decided no radiation yet, I believe my days are numbered, they just haven’t told me yet, I try to stay positive but sometimes it’s just to much, but it is people like you, showing your strength, being positive, and when I hear positive things about this evil demon crawling around inside of us, I have four of those little monsters, had surgery 7 weeks ago for the stomach cancer, they ended up taking out a lot more, now I am at stage four, your words and strength makes me stronger, I am glad my sister came across this and sent it to me, and I am glad I took the time to read it, whatever strength I have through the will of our higher power is yours. God bless you and may he always be there for you.
Richie, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. You have blessed me more than you know.
Sweet sister, I am praying for you❤️🙏
Lord Jesus, it is no mistake that Richie read this blog. This is your way of giving her a hug and to kindle hope. Would you continue to fuel her hope and peace as she faces the evil disease. Bring healing as you guide every step of her care.
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Such a beautiful blog, thank you for sharing your journey with us!
Holly, thank you for praying. Pass this along to anyone you think it may help. Hugs!
You are such a blessing and an encouragement. Praying for you and your family. May God’s peace wash over you.
Darlo, thanks for your continued prayers.
Lots of hugs and love to you, Becky. And prayers, always! You are fearfully and wonderfully made. All your days were written in your book by God while you were in the womb. He loves you so much! Praying Psalm 139 over you today.
Tammi, Amen! Love Psalm 139❤️
Thanks you for your words. Our versions of the future rarely come. Only God remains steadfast as the landscape continues to shift. I use the term “expiration date” often when expressing my hope to live long enough to raise Jayme to adulthood and beyond. Praying for your continued attitude of relying on God’s goodness and faithfulness. Love you. ❤️
God Bless you as you move through this journey. Stage 3C since March of 21. Some remission and then back. I understand your journey. Stay strong and draw close to God. I fail often but keep trying
Betty Sanford
Hello Teal sis, Betty! I wish we were acquainted in another way. But we sure need to cheer each other on in this fight with OC. Blessings, healing, and peace to you! Thanks for taking time to comment.
Patty, thank you! Much love, dear friend.
Patty, much love to you my sweet friend. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. You are a treasure. ❤️
Beckie,
We only know each other through Instagram, but I have been following your journey and have been praying for you. More prayers coming your way. Wishing you peace in this struggle and I know God is with you. Giving you a virtual hug,
Stephanie
Stephanie, I so appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers. ❤️
💗
Precise. I Pray Total and Complete Healing over you in Jesus. We are seated in Heavenly Places where Jesus and the Father are. God has His Wonderful Arms around You.
You are a Precise Women of God. We are here for a season, than, we will spend Eternity, forever with Him.
You are quite a Testimony for all of us, as you Honor God in this difficult time.
Much Love and Blessings
Mary, AMEN! Love this❤️ Thank you.
Oh Beckie, thank you for sharing your journey. You are truly an inspiration and encouragement, gently but resolutely turning our focus to Jesus and His faithfulness always.
I prayed for you the first go-round and have been praying this time too. God will make a way in the wilderness.
Bless you, dear heart!
Sending virtual HUGS! 🙏🏼💞🙏🏼💞🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Sandy, I appreciate your sweet prayers ❤️
Beckie, thank you for sharing your heart with us. You’ve said what so many cancer patients need to hear and be encouraged. You’re so right. Chemo is the worst, but it does offer the possibility of longer life. I pray God grants you many years to come where you can shine His light! I will continue to lift you in prayer daily. Blessings my fellow cancer girl.
Teresa, big hugs, love, and prayers Teal sis!
Becky you are the best and most sweetest person I ever met in my life. I pray that God continues to watch over you and give you all that faith you have. Receive a huge huge hug and may God bless you and your family. 🤗🤗🤗🤗
Yuri, awww! You made me smile with your kind comment. Thank you❤️
Beckie, please know, each and every day, how much you’re loved and prayed for by all of us. God has given you the immeasurable gift of His grace and presence as you face yet another trial with cancer. His courage and strength shine through your words to keep all of us living with hope, no matter what our expiration date may be.
Blessings always!
Martha, thank you for your continued prayers. Much love, sweet sister.
Beckie, I have walked this path with my baby sister. I now walk it with you. Praying for you is a privilege. You continue to be a blessing in my life. One day, when we are both in heaven, I look forward to a time of praising our precious Jesus together. Until then, the Good Shepherd walks before you clearing your path home whether the time is short or long. Hugs, prayers, and blessings in the Name of Jesus.
Thank you, dear Joyce! Amen!
Oh dear Beckie ..Thank you for blessing us all with your unique humanity amidst such a difficult situation… you are such a gifted writer & articulate so deftly the emotional depths both high & low that you’re experiencing .. My heart aches for what you must be enduring.. yet because you dare to share even the most hardcore thoughts,feelings… with the world .. it becomes so inspirational & powerful beyond measure.. you touch us all Beckie & we love you for being so raw & real ! I know God will continue to use you & your testimony to the fullest.. Keep shining your brilliant, radiant light… may the angels surround you with divine music & songs of sweet harmonies as you continue your courageous journey.. Peace be with you always .. much love & big hugs ❤️🥰🙏
Colleen, I feel the those prayers! When you mentioned angels surrounding me with harmony, I could just picture it, and some of the voices reminded me of your lovely voice, and the good times we had singing together. I sure miss that! I treasure those memories. And I treasure your friendship, dear one. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I am so blessed by your words.
Hugs❤️
Love your transparency and your total trust in God. Thank you for being you and for shining your bright light. Continuing to stand with you!
Thank you, Michelle ❤️
Becky, you are an inspiration to us. Thank you for being real and transparent. I am praying for you and sending a big hug! Thank you for being a bright light for Him in a dark time. Love you.
Blessings on you, sweet Cricket! Thanks for the prayers and well wishes.
Beckie, I send my prayers to you. Thank you for being such an amazing, inspirational, and positive person to everyone during this difficult time in your life. I will continue to pray that God help you with healing and peace. I am so happy you and my daughter, Claire crossed paths. Claire is going through a difficult time in her life at the moment and I pray God gives her heart peace, love and positiveness so she can do away with the bad, hatred and sadness she has. I do hope Claire reads your post as it has so much positiveness and light during a difficult time in your life. The gift of life is a blessing and I agree with you, “I will live each day with joy and purpose, counting my numerous blessings! I won’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles today (Matthew 6:34).” Beautiful way to word live each day and see it as a blessing. I send hugs your way. God bless you and your family.💖
Crystal, Claire means so much to me. Thank you for telling me how I can pray for her. And trust me, I will lift her up to the Lord.
I’m so glad this post was helpful to you. Blessings on you and your family in the name of Jesus. ❤️
Beckie…..your post leaves me speechless (well, almost; is a writer EVER speechless???).
I’m in awe of the strength you gain from our Heavenly Father, and I continue to pray on your behalf.
He is not left speechless by your posts. He watches as a proud papa seeing His beloved child SHINE through the hard stuff in life, and SHARE that light with others. He loves you so. We all do.
Continue SHINING, sweet friend. I’ll continue PRAYING. God will continue LOVING!
Thank you for the highest compliment, Elaine. I so appreciate your prayers.
Big hugs!
As always it is great hearing from you my dear friend, sister-in Christ, and fellow scribe. You continue to inspire me, and I thank our great God for you 💞 Keep the faith and I look forward to your next praise report and to seeing you. You remain in my prayers and fondest thoughts. Thanks for the advice and encouragement. Godspeed, dear Beckie.🙏🏾
Sheryl, thanks for your continued prayers. It means so much❤️
I’m currently in a rehab hospital after having suffered a stroke July 4th. Your AIR points struck a chord with me. Thank you! May God reach inside you and knock out all the cancer for His glory and your good in Jesus’ Name.
Deborah, I’m so sorry to hear about your health struggle. It makes me smile to know this post was of help.
Thank you for your prayers. I’m praying for you now, too!
This encouraged me so…Beckie, God has/is using you in mine and Moriahs life ever since we met you, your books, the abortion prayer rally and even now. We love you and are praying for you.
Anne, you and Moriah are precious to me. Thanks for praying ❤️
I understand some of what you are experiencing but only a small part. When my team was in the Philippine jungle we were hunted by Isis. They were going to cut our heads off. We decided to stay until our work was done. Strangely I felt no fear, I was at peace. God protected us and we all got safely home. We learned that a week later the Isis group was wiped out by Philippine marines. I will pray that God will keep you in peace as He destroys every cancer cell in your body.
Wow Richard! Thanks for sharing. God is so good. I appreciate your prayers.
Becky, you are so strong and inspiring. I am not even sure how I came across your pages, but I am so thankful for you and your beautiful words. You and your family are in my prayers. May Jesus hold you and carry you through this journey,
Thank you, sweet Karen❤️
Beckie, I will be praying for you, your family, and your healing. You’re such an inspiration and a graceful teacher as you share your struggle and your faith with honesty. I’m happy that we have a God who never leaves us and so happy that you feel His peace.
Tamara, I appreciate those prayers❤️
Beckie🌹
Your writing is so beautiful and insightful my friend…
Beckie your one amazing woman of God. I learn more about God through you.
Every time I read something you have written it comes alive in me..
Your precious my friend, and I want you to know I will continue to PRAY for you.
You have always been a inspiration to me and others. Thank YOU for being yourself and sharing yourself with us.
You are Loved🌹
Cheryl, your comment brought tears to my eyes. Thank you❤️
Beckie, may I print this and add it to my prayer notebook? I’ve been praying for you since I saw your request in my feed a few weeks ago.
Psalm 31:14-15
But as for me, O Lord, I say, “ You are my God.” My times are in your hand.
In December 2009, Father led me to Psalm 31:14-15 as my life verse for 2010. April 2010 I received the stage two breast cancer news. The peace is real. I know where I’m going, and so His peace of my leaving my earthly body was then, well, I was, “Bye y’all! See ya later.” However if I was just to take that journey, what trip Jesus and I would have!
You have encouraged me often through your posts. I thank God for you, and pray for the treatments not to be awful. I pray for complete healing. Praying you sense His presence, peace, love, and comfort. Hugs and love, dear lady
Jan, I’m honored. Please use this if it helps. ❤️
Continued prayers for you and your beautiful family Beckie. You are such an inspiration to so many, I admire your strength and sharing your heart.
You are a fighter and will keep another friend who is battling stage 3 ovarian cancer lifted up through you ❤️🙏🏼
Thank you, Tracy! ❤️
Oh, Beckie, I am so encouraged to read this! I always feel better after reading or hearing words from you because they are God infused.
I saw mention of this blog on Facebook but could not find the link there. Could you put the link there for those who may not have Instagram? Or maybe I just didn’t look in the proper place?
My prayer request: My eyesight is failing so I am on that journey, and I also have stage 2 breast cancer. I had a lumpectomy and lymph node removal last August, radiation early this year, and I am on a daily med to fight reoccurance. I am in PT to keep from getting frozen shoulder from the surgery and radiation.
I am thankful for all the good gifts God gives each day through our difficult journeys. You are one of His gifts of encouragement and love poured into my life.
I pray I can honor and glorify Him so faithfully as you do daily, Beckie.♡
Lord Jesus, I know that hold Janice in the palm of your hand. Assure her of your presence with love and protection. I pray for your wisdom to guide the doctors. If it be in your perfect will, Lord, please stop the progression of sight loss and heal her of cancer. YOU are the Great Physican and nothing is impossible with you. Shower her with the peace that surpasses all understanding. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ. AMEN
Thank you so much, Beckie, for your prayer!
My anointed, sweet, brave, beautiful, dear friend… Through God and in the Name of Jesus, you have been a confidant, teacher, mentor, safety net, pillar of strength, a refuge in very dark times. God has blessed you with many amazing gifts. Your gift for putting words to paper–His words, His messages put down for others to take in. You are an inspiration to me and to so many others. I still reflect on being a first-time mother to be. Looking across the cul-de-sac and seeing this gorgeous (very pregnant) woman smiling from across the way. I knew at that moment we were going to be friends. You are and continue to be such a gift. I continue to pray–prayers for healing, comfort and years ahead of you to continue sharing your precious gifts. I love you, Dear Friend!
Shari, How I treasure those sweet memories! Thank you for reminding me. What a blessing to call you my friend. Thanks for your continued love and prayers.
Dear Beckie, Your words flow through us like warm honey, weaving in and out, drawing us to God, drawing us to you, drawing us to each other……our dear, dear Abba must be so pleased to see what you’ve done with your gifts! You’ve encouraged us, and I dare say, challenged us, to really look at how WE’RE living, and dying……are we really connecting with, loving, adoring, relying, worshipping our LORD? From all appearances, you are cradled in his loving hands/arms, and have found the peace that surpasses understanding. You’ve fought the enemy’s attacks, and come out loving Abba MORE. How can any of us deny our LORD? How can we NOT share with others, encourage others, love others? Oh, sweet Beckie, you bring each of us closer, not only to our expiration point, with wide open eyes and hearts, but to our one and only Creator, who loves us so. He shows us that love through you. Your love for our LORD, and us, will last in our hearts. Your friendship is an exquisite blessing. I love you, sweet friend, warrior princess, and sister in Christ. love, Debi
Debi, your sweet comment brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for taking time to write and pray, dear sweet friend.
You are a true inspiration and a blessing to everyone. Thank you for sharing your honest emotions and faith in God. Sending love, hugs, and many prayers.
Melisssa, How I appreciate those dear prayers! xoxo
Becky. One day….one moment in time. That’s truly all we’re promised. If with Jesus sometimes a moment can seem forever.
I remember years ago standing in my BR window crying looking out on a cold January WI morning after Nate came home after his accident. He had suffered a severe closed head injury with damage to all 4 quads.
It was an Extremely challenging morning. As I looked out I saw a little sparrow all puffed and fluffed out trying to stay warm on an empty tree branch. I heard the Lord say, see that little sparrow? He thinks he’s all alone but he’s really in the palm of my hand…..and so are YOU.
PRAISE GOD HE’S CARRYING YOU AND SCOTT.
Linda, I LOVE that. Thank you for sharing and for your prayers and friendship. Hugs, dear one.
Oh sweet, Beckie. You are so brave, vulnerable, and authentic. And that’s what people relate to. You are real and you share the real parts of this hard and trying journey with cancer. No sugar coating anything. Your A-I-R points are so inspirational and encouraging. I like how you said not to slap a scripture on something before you’ve dealt with and sit with the emotion. That’s so good. Sometimes we need to be reminded as believers to stop sanitizing things like cancer and grief and so on. It is what it is.
Continued prayers for you and over you. God is faithful, by whom Beckie was called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ her Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:9)
Karen, Thank you my sweet sister and friend in Christ. You have blessed me with this comment and your prayers.
Amen Ms. Beckie. It isn’t about our dying, that part’s easy. It’s about how we live, isnt it? Thank you for your powerful example my friend. You are the living embodiment of courage with grace. As you take us along on your journey, I know you recognize you are not alone during any part of it. God is with you, and His throne room is filled daily with your and Mr. Scott’s names being lifted up in prayer. God’s blessings sweet friend.
JD, thank you, my friend. I treasure you and your prayers!
Beckie, thank you for your transparency and faith as you lift the name of Jesus high and teach us to trust God—even in the most difficult times.
Thank you, Jeannie! ❤️
Beckie, I had to read this twice! It has so many golden nuggets of truth in it. Your spirit reminds me so much of Bill. Then it dawned on me that it reminds me of Bill because it’s the Holy Spirit in you! You have learned to rely on the Holy Spirit to carry you through this grueling fiery trial. I believe that only those who suffer deeply like you have can learn, as you said “To be held. To be comforted. To experience Him in ways I never had before.” You go to a level that those of us on the outside can’t go. But, it also requires us to accept his Grace. You, my friend, have learned this to accept His love and comfort. Thank you for showing us how to do that. I’m am in awe of you. I pray for you often, and I’m grateful you have so many friends and family who are doing the same. Thank you for the acronym AIR! I’m going to print it and keep it in front of my eyes. Thank you for taking what God has shown you to help others. That’s giving God the glory in your suffering. Sending my love and big ole hug.
Mary, Oh, my sweet friend—you paid me a high compliment when saying I remind you of Bill. Outside of being compared to Jesus or my precious mother—THE BEST compliment! But you are 💯 percent correct. Credit goes to the Lord.
Thank you for taking time to comment and for your prayers and friendship. I treasure you, dear one.
I also pray for you and yours.
Much love ❤️