I hate waiting. You probably do too. Yet it’s something we all must do. For example, did you know that according to AAA Insurance, the average American will spend 58.6 hours waiting at red lights every 365 days?
Yes, like it or not, we do a lot of waiting. But the kind of waiting I’ve been doing lately is unlike anything I’ve experienced. After several tests, CT scans, etc., I now know I have stage 4 ovarian cancer.
But the waiting hasn’t stopped.
I must wait for insurance approvals (a pain in the neck and other places!), wait on hold, wait for doctor appointments, blood work, chemotherapy, surgery, and recovery. Then I will need to wait (and hope) to be sure cancer has been completely eradicated from my body.
Currently, I’m waiting for the drainage of fluid that has built up around my lung and in my abdomen … again. These were two uncomfortable procedures I had done only ten days ago, but the cancer cells found a way, and the fluid has returned. This, of course, requires authorization by my oncologist and then the insurance company’s approval, and finally scheduling of the two procedures. All the while, I’m very bloated and struggling to breathe normally. It’s pretty miserable and frustrating, to say the least!
Meanwhile, I’m also waiting for a date to start chemotherapy. My oncologist recommends three rounds of chemo and then surgery to remove the mass. This is another one of those processes where we must get authorization from the oncologist, send it to the insurance company, wait on approval, and then schedule the appointment. I was told all was approved to begin chemo, but the soonest I can have a virtual consult (due to COVID!) with the doctor who administers chemotherapy is March 11. The chemo is not expected to begin until a week or two later. This just seems unacceptable! I have stage 4 cancer!
Oh, Lord. I need you to move mountains. Make a way. And Father, I need your patience during this process. I know that You are in control of all things.
Waiting requires patience— and true patience comes from the Lord.
Patience is a gift of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). All believers have the Holy Spirit living within them which means we all have access to this gift.
Gift or not, patience has a negative connotation. You know what they say, “Don’t pray for patience. If you do, God will give you a difficult experience to teach you.”
“Give me patience, God. And give it to me NOW!”
Like anyone, I want a quick fix for cancer—something to make the difficulty go away and pronto! But the Lord has offered me love in the midst of my pain, His presence in the loneliness, and His peace to overshadow fear.
Something I’ve learned on this cancer journey is patience and peace go hand in hand.
When I’m impatient, peace evaporates and fear closes in.
“But they who ‘wait’ for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
I memorized the scripture above in the New Living Translation where the word “wait” is translated as “trust.” In the New International Version the word for “wait” is “hope.”
For those who (wait, trust, hope) in the Lord will renew their strength. Makes sense to me. Once again, I’m amazed how God is always illuminating a new concept even in a scripture I have known for years.
So, as I navigate the turbulent waters with cancer, I am learning more about the character of God. I’m also learning more about myself. The fruit of the Holy Spirit has come alive in new ways. Although this is not the way I would have chosen, the Lord offered a journey into the deep places of my heart. And guess what? I have discovered the truth that the Spirit of the Lord is already in those places, groaning in my soul, beckoning me to follow Him into truth, love, grace, and peace.
Patience is indeed a virtue from the Lord. I’m grateful for the lessons He is teaching me. His love and care are palpable as He wraps His arms around me and whispers, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
I love hearing from you! Please share your prayer requests and comments below.
I’m so sorry you are going through this journey. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God loves you.
I appreciate your prayers, Melissa. Thank you. Cancer sucks, but God is good!
Sending love and light to you. I am here!
Thank you, dear Rael! I know you have a unique understanding and I appreciate your kindness.
Praying for all the patience you need my friend. God’s continued blessings.
J.D, You are such a great friend and brother in Christ. Thanks for the love and prayer support.
You are a fighter! You are more than a conqueror. I am proud to be your water girl supporting you as you run this race.
Thank you, my sweet Katie!
I could almost smell the sweet fragrance of heaven in your words. I’ve done quite the study on waiting in connection with Sarah, Abraham’s wife. And, to quote Dee Brestin, “My heart turns over when I see Jesus in you.” Praying for you as you walk with The Rose of Sharon.❤️😊🙏🏻
Beautiful, Marlene. I appreciate the support and prayers 💕
Amazing blog. May God continue to give you peace and strength for this journey. Thank you for sharing.
So good to hear from you. Thanks for your love and prayers, friend<3
Thank you, Martha <3
Praying for you Beckie each time your post crosses my news feed.
I appreciate the prayers, Marilyn.
Praying for patience, procedures and peace in your journey!
Ben, thanks for your amazing support. I’m so blessed to have people like you lifting me up.
Beckie…I’m so sorry you are having to walk this difficult path. I pray God goes beyond beyond anything you could ask or think. May he grant you his divine healing, and his perfect peace in the waiting.
Starr, Me too! I’m expecting great things from our amazing God in this journey. No, I would have never chosen this path, but I know God is walking with me.
This is indeed a lesson in patience. I’d think stage 4 gets you the front of the line for chemo. The Lord teaches us patience and also guides us when to act. Sometimes you have to be your own advocate. Praying your treatment starts soon.
Yes, I agree. Thanks for your prayers and friendship my dear friend 💕
Dearest friend, the Lord is proud of you and your trusting words of faith. Love you, fight, fight, fight with all you got. Thank you, for being my friend. 💖
Thank you, Marion❤️
Lord, hear our prayers.
Thank you, Carol💜
I am friends with Jamie and Katie. I’m praying for you! Thanks for being a beautiful example…even while going through a very tough diagnosis. May God grant you strength and peace.
Thanks for taking the time to tell me you are praying. It means so much.
Beautifully written!!!! Yes waiting and waiting. God has given me the patience of Job ( though I’m sure I don’t come close to Jobs patience) I think of Job as I walk thru the Valley. God gives me Joy and Hope . Cancer will not take my Joy/Hope away.
Yes and amen, Priscilla!
My heart is with you during this truly hard time. Your motivation to stay strong is inspiring and will definitely help others that are dealing with their own cancer journey’s, like myself. Never be afraid to lean on others… hugs my friend.
Thanks for your encouragement to lean on others (it’s hard to do).
Blessings on you!
Beckie, I’m just asking God to send his ministering angels to help you. Patience has never been my virtue. And I believe you need a host of the Lord’s angels to help you. For those who have never experienced having cancer, the thoughts that run havoc in our minds are nerve-wracking. Lord, I ask that you calm Beckie’s mind as she awaits the many appointments facing her in the near future. Give her the strength she needs to face each day, and I ask that you let her feel you near. In Jesus Precious name. Amen.
I have not experienced cancer but I have been through some tear stained pillows. I kept this question in my heart that I got from somewhere. I read all the time. It says, “Can I trust you with this experience even if I never tell you why?” Over and over again I had to say yes, LORD. Looking back now over three decades it was worth every tear to let God have His way. He is faithful! Trust Him.
Dear Beckie, your words encourage and build us up, and yet, we empathize with your struggle to feel Abba’s power, strength and love through the wait. I will stand with you, with the many praying for and with you. i will REBUKE THE SPIRIT OF FEAR that creeps in, crying out for God’s hand of protection and of ultimate healing in your life. You are bringing honor and glory to ourKing, and i can’t but imagine the joy in heaven with each day, hour, minute and second that you stand in His promises. love you, dear sister. Abba’s got this! love, Debi
Thank you for your kindness and Prayers ❤️
Yes and amen!!!
I love you dear friend. You continue to encourage me through the midst of your pain. I’m praying my friend. Asking our precious Lord to move mountains and cradle you in His living arms. Xoxoxo
I appreciate you and Kass more than words.
Amen Sister in Jesus Beckie!! Praying for Ye ALL!!
Love Always, YSIC \o/
Thanks for your prayers 💜
So powerful! Know that God is calling people far and wide to pray for you. You’re already in our hearts and He puts your name in our prayers 💗
I’m beyond grateful for all the kindness and prayers, Edie.
Thank you, Edie💙
Surrounding you in prayer, Beckie!
I don’t know what I can say to you at times like this. I can only say that God is just, God is mercy, and you and I both know that God loves you. I pray for your peace, your comfort and for healing.
Thanks for taking the time to share and pray.
My strong and faithful friend… I am praying for you. Sometimes we just pray in general for “health, healing, peace, etc.” in these situations. I will add on these specifics in my prayers for you. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your journey. I love and miss you so much, Dear Friend. Dear Lord, please grant Your beautiful, faithful daughter the patience, peace and healing to continue to carry on Your message as you have so wonderfully blessed her the ability to do. There is so much left to be heard by this precious servant of Yours. In Jesus Name. Amen
I’m so touch by this prayer. Thank you precious friend ♥️
Praying for you every day, Beckie, multiple times a day. I know this waiting is frustrating – I would find it that way, too. But your attitude is so positive, seeing God at work even in your painful circumstances. May He give you all the comfort, peace and healing you need right now!
Oh, how I appreciate prayer warriors like you, Martha.
God is so good!
Beckie, this is such a beautiful post! We have been asking God to make the way smooth with your insurance company, doctor visits, treatment, etc. etc. etc. So sorry to hear there is so much waiting–but thankful for your sweet spirit of patience and grace through it all! (We still hope they will hurry up with draining the fluid and getting your treatment started!!!)
I’m so grateful for faithful prayer warriors like you. I pray that the Lord blesses you and your richly.
Your strength and fortitude is amazing! In the midst of this hard, hard time you take the time to share nuggets of truth to encourage others. Because of this may His mercy prove strong on your behalf. May this trial make you come forth as gold. May you hold a unique anointing for those in similar physical situations. You strengthen my faith dear Beckie. You prove to me and so many others that when our roots are already dug deep in God- before the trials come- that that is why you can still stand and have a voice of His goodness. Of course continued prayers will not cease for you. I know you are standing on the brink of the Red Sea and the delays are hard but maybe you can post a note on your mirror to remind yourself He is an on time God. Do not allow the devil to gain a foothold. Our Father knows and cares and may He now help you feel His embrace.😘🤗🤗🤗🙏🙏🙏👍👍
Valerie, As usual, God has used you to encourage and strengthen my faith.
Thanks, sweet friend ❤️
Praying for you, and giving you the right Dr.
Thank you, Barbara.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Beckie. I pray God will continue to help you fix your heart on His character, not on His circumstances, and that He will give you complete healing. Love and blessings of strength and peace for each moment!
Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers.
Blessings back to you!
My prayer for you every day is Psalm 121 love you beautiful friend!!!
I appreciate it, sweet friend. Miss you<3
Again your words, thoughts, and feelings have found refuge within me Beckie. Yesterday’s reading for my hermeneutics/Bible interpretation course was about fasting and meditation. During both ‘practices’ we are in essence hoping and waiting to hear from our Great God. If we are genuine in our efforts, He will guide, instruct, and provide whatever we need–as we won’t always know what to ask Him or talk to Him about. We experience the renewal that you so rightly desire, as do I, when we are open to hear from Him. Of course there are times such as your current matter when we are clear and specific on some level, about what we need and certainly what we want. All good! Thanks again for continuing to use your voice and your lovely self to bless and inspire others. As I join you seeking patience and discernment and being open to the Holy Spirit, my prayers are unwavering for your next season in Christ, as I await my own spiritual renewal, utilizing a patience that I heretofore didn’t know I had–similar to you. Keep the faith Sister, and thanks again.
I’m humbled and honored at how the Lord has brought prayer warriors like you alongside me on this journey.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
May God bless you and yours!
My dear friend Beckie!!! This was beautifully written. Thank you for reminding me that God is working in the waiting!!! Western culture, for the most part, has very understanding what it means to truly wait and even more wait on God!!!! Praying over you every day!
Nancy, thank you for your support and prayers, my dear friend.
It does not make
It makes them
Love you Beckie
We are praying for you and the Doctors and Nurses who will be working with you!
Thank you so much!
This was not just a tough one for you to write, Beckie, it was a tough one to read for so many of us who have been so used to praising God as we read your posts and see how God has blessed you and how He consistently uses you to instruct, encourage, admonish, and edify others. He did that this time as well, but not in the way we’ve come to expect. In spite of what I know about God’s love, His wisdom, His grace, and His sovereign authority, I feel like what has descended on you is so unfair.
Now, having vented my personal opinion, I’ll try to come around to truth that isn’t subject to my approval. I know that the tears the pain, and the grief that our loving and omniscient Father allows is an investment from which He will reap rewards that are, from His perspective, priceless. I also know that He will manage your treatment and guide its success in a way that fulfills His purpose in you as it blesses in ways we can’t comprehend at this point. I also know that what you’re enduring, as frustrating, painful, and frightening as it obviously is, honors both you and Him. We are confidently praying for healing grace to be a step ahead of the cancer and that it will ultimately rebound to more praise and more fruit for His kingdom than any of us would have imagined.
We love you, Beckie, and we’ve extended that love to your family and all the rest of your fans. Thank your for another glimpse of the courage that God has placed in you and the faith that inspires all of us. May you find His presence and His power sufficient for overcoming every challenge that this awful, unexpected attack brings.
Your comment brightened my day. I’m so blessed to call you and Diane friends and prayer partners.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am blessed to call you friend. I’m in tears trying to think of the right words to convey my thoughts. You have blessed my life immensely through your books, blogs and just being genuine. During this time, I’m praying that God would continue to bless and keep you in the right frame of mind. He is faithful and He is in the healing business. Whatever His will I pray it over your life in the mighty name of Jesus.
Thank you, Nathan. I, too, am blessed to call you friend.
Sweet friend, I can’t begin to imagine the waiting and wanting to move forward without all this medical and insurance “red tape” to deal with. I’m praying over these details to move quicker and for the Lord to continually work behind the scenes on your behalf. To bring you that supernatural peace that passes all understanding. Love and hugs!
Karen, thanks for standing with me in prayer. I appreciate it more than I can express.
Praying for you, Beckie–for healing, strength, peace, perseverance and patience. Cancer is hard, but God’s got this–He is with you every step of the journey.
Yes, I feel God’s presence and the prayers of His people.