CANCER. No one likes the word, particularly when it concerns someone you love or yourself.
I heard the dreaded “C” word during my recent visit to the ER. I haven’t felt right for several weeks. A CT scan, ultrasound, and other tests all point to ovarian cancer. There’s also an indication it may have spread to other organs. Understandably, my doctor recommended that I see a gynecological oncologist.
Yeah, it sounds pretty terrifying. I’m still trying to process the information.
What in the world?! No one in my family has a history of cancer.
After dozens of calls and several hours tangling with insurance, I finally have the approval to see the oncologist. My first appointment is this Wednesday. My other doctors have prepared me that I should expect a hysterectomy, biopsy of the mass, followed by grueling chemotherapy.
It seems a tough road is ahead for me—a trial of epic proportions.
So, how am I doing with all of this? Well, at first I was numb. It just didn’t seem possible. But each day as my usually healthy body rebels against me and grows weaker, I have come to terms with the fact that I am sick. Really sick. I have fluid build-up in my abdominal cavity and around my lung, which is another sign of ovarian cancer. This will probably need to be drained before I get surgery. By the way, I’m counting the days. I just want to get this done!
Of course, I’ve shed some tears and felt the dark shadow of fear grip me in the night as I struggled to sleep comfortably because of the pain and shortness of breath. I cried out to God and His peace covered me like a blanket. I have made up my mind—I’m going to cling to Jesus.
Not only is God with me in this trial, but He is also bringing me supernatural peace and even JOY.
I know it sounds ludicrious. Joy, peace, and cancer just don’t go together—that is, unless God is involved.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
When I embarked on writing a blog series about the Fruit of the Spirit from the book of Galatians (Galatians 5:22-23) some weeks ago, I had no clue I would be immersed into a literal hands-on experience. Let me tell you, I’m learning peace and joy on a whole different level. It’s been very personal, to say the least.
Please understand, I didn’t say I’m happy about the possibility of cancer.
There is a difference between joy and happiness.
Happiness isn’t present in the darkness of difficulty. Happiness happens to us. Even though we seek and desire it, happiness isn’t a choice we make. Joy, on the other hand, is a purposeful choice.
Joy is something far grander. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit.
Of course, joy and happiness can be present together. But in its truest expression, joy transforms trials into blessings and turns heartache into gratitude.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13
How am I experiencing peace and joy during this season? I have surrendered everything to God. I am trusting that the same God I’ve known for years is, in fact, good and His purposes are good (Psalm 119:68, Jeremiah 29:11).
I have hope that God will use the ugliness of cancer to bring about something beautiful.
God never wastes a thing. He will leverage our sin, weakness, and sickness for higher purposes. The Bible is full of accounts of God using broken, sick, messed up people and situations to bring about redemption. It’s His specialty.
Even though I have trust in God, I still have my moments of fear, doubt, and sadness.
I’ve asked, “Why me?” And cried, “This isn’t fair.” To be honest, I started this blog post last Friday. I almost didn’t finish it today because that ugly snake called depression slinked in, twisted its way into my thoughts, and squeezed out my peace, holding me captive in a cruel vise of “what ifs” and “I can’t do this.”
BUT GOD …
Once again, I cried out to my Heavenly Father, and he lifted me out of the pit of despair and covered me with His wings of peace. I turned my focus to Jesus, what He endured on the cross for me, and His amazing promises. I also reached out to some friends. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate my friends and family right now! I have an army of people praying and lifting me up. Praise the Lord! As I broke free from depression’s grip, the indescribable joy returned.
The joy comes from knowing that God is using me and my situation for His glory. Wow! I get to be a part of His amazing work. Peace comes as I hand over my life to His tender care. I’ve become aware this is not a one-time thing. Each day, each moment, I have a choice. I choose Jesus.
Joy and peace are byproducts of a life surrendered to Jesus.
Doctors and science only go so far. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for doctors. I know God uses them. But God is the creator of everything. I think I’ll trust Him and see what beauty He brings from the ashes of this trial.
I plan to write about my journey whenever I am able. I hope you will join me as I share what God is up to during this difficult season that is sure to bring about some incredible lessons and maybe a miracle or two!
Love,
I love hearing from you! Please leave comments and prayer requests in the comments below.
Angie and I love you Beckie ❤️ ….. Scott too
Del, I appreciate your prayers and friendship.
Hi Beckie, what a great blog!!! Lifting you up to the Lord for complete healing & peace as you travel thru the Valley. We know as believers to never stop in the Valley, just keep on truckin 😍. I have been on chemo since 2019. Colon cancer with Mets to lungs. Had surgery this past August & live with colostomy, a life saver. Next my lungs are being worked on. On my journey I have been blessed with the most compassionate Doctors, nurses & staff in general. Family/friends in abundance. I live by Faith and am showing everyone God first! Love & peace. I try always to find joy in everyday. People say “you’re so strong” , I say “ only for God’s Mercy/grace do I live”. Xoxo🙏
Priscilla, how great to hear some of your journey. Thanks for the sweet words of encouragement.
You are now in my prayers, too.
Keep shining for Jesus!❤️
🙏❤️
Hi Beckie, I am praying for you. I am believing with you that God will use this experience to bless you. You will magnify His name as you go through this test. I pray that your faith never fails. God is good even though we can’t explain Him. Love you. Narva
Thank you, Narva. I’m asking God to strengthen me so that I will shine brightly through the darkness of cancer. I so appreciate your kind words and prayers.
What a beautiful testament to GD’s work in your life and situation right now. I will put you on my prayer list for you to have peace and joy in knowing your heavenly father has his hand on everything you and your family are going through. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.
Thank you, Rachel. I feel the prayers!
PRAYING for you, your family and your medical team! I found peace and joy in what you wrote. Not the writer that you are, everything I write seems lame. So, I just want you to know that I am praying (and asking others to pray, too), following your blog as you are able to write and offering to help you and your family in any way that I can. (Anaheim is not that far from where you live.) Prayers and love!! P.S. I have followed you on FB, but if, as time goes on, it is easier to send things via e-mail, feel free to notify by e-mail.
Lynda, thank you for the kind words and the prayers. I feel strengthened by the prayers and love of others.
Praying for you and for continued inner strength from an all powerful God.
Ben, I appreciate your prayers. Thanks from the bottom of my heart <3
Becky, I dont read blogs consistently, but He directed me to yours. I’m praying for you, sister. HE goes before you and can be trusted to be faithful to His Word. Thank you for spurring others on and honoring Him with your life.
Cheryl, I’m glad that God directed you here. I appreciate your prayers and support.
I’ll write as I am able about the journey and how the Lord is working.
Blessings!
Beckie,
I want to encourage you in your journey. I am a 3 times cancer survivor (thyroid, breast, and kidney.) My healing and strength came directly from the Lord. I’m praying for you.
Author,
Kittye Sharron
Kitty,
Praising the Lord with you!
Thanks for your prayers.
I’m praying for you, Beckie! Thank you for sharing your journey. May your candid words and wisdom bring comfort, hope, joy, and peace to all those who await God’s healing touch.
Thanks, Doug. It’s my hope and prayer that God will use this experience to shine the light of His love and grace.
I appreciate your prayers.
Beckie,
While the road ahead looks rough, I am praying you will feel God’s steady hand during every moment.
Some things I know are that His love is constant, and that He never wastes anything. I pray that His glory will shine through in ever moment of the journey ahead and that miracles will be too many to count!
Gena,
Such kind words. Thank you♥️
Amen Sweet Sister in Jesus-Yeshua Christ-Messiah Beckie, God Bless You and Your Family and Friends!!
Jesus-Yeshua Christ-Messiah is the True LIGHT of the World!!
Love Always and Shalom, YSIC \o/
Kristi Ann
Kristi Ann,
Thank you, sweet sister ❤️
James 1:2-4 Will keep you going and remembering joy. Know you’re loved always and prayed for nightly.
Deb,
I’m clinging to God’s promises.
Thanks for the love and prayers. ❤️
I pray that if I ever get Cancer, I will be able to have your attitude and perspective 🤗 But cancer or no cancer, God has embarked me on my own joy journey which echos what you said – check it out here http://sharingsfromsam.blogspot.com/2021/02/the-anointing-oil-of-joy.html?m=1
Samantha,
Thanks for sharing ❤️
Praying for a complete healing with never to return symptoms. Even now may you feel His peace and touch. Daily you are in my prayers. Love you sweetie😘🤗🙏🙏🙏🙌🙌
Praying for you, Beckie, each and every day. God will be with you through this trial and bring you joy even in the midst of pain and uncertainty. May it be His will to heal you completely, dear friend!
Wonderful writing my friend…love your obedience and surrender. The Lord, for sure, is well pleased. Grateful to walk this journey with you.
Beckie, this same experience happend to my sister-in-law, 5-6 years ago. On a trip to the ER, all tests showed probable ovarian cancer. And it was confirmed. She is doing fine today. Once I saw your social media post, I’ve had my family and friends praying over you and we will continue. So many great truths here written from a hard place. Particularly love, “Joy and peace are byproducts of a life surrendered to Jesus.”
Karen,
I appreciate all the prayers. I’m so glad to hear about your sister-in-law. That is encouraging.
Thanks for your love and friendship!
Beckie, I am praying for your healing, for your doctors and nurses, and for your husband and family! I wish I could be there to hold your hand and hug you! But, I know Someone who is! Jesus is close to you and He will never leave you or forsake you.
Dear Father, please touch Beckie’s body. Heal her, Lord! Heal every cell in her body and restore her health. We lift her up to YOU in the mighty Name of Jesus.
Stephanie, thanks for the beautiful prayer and kindness.
Hugging you in my mind.
Wherever this journey takes you my friend; I’ll be praying you through it and will see you on the other side of this. God’s blessings ma’am.
JD, I treasure your friendship. Thank you for encouraging me to look up and to keep pressing on.
I appreciate your prayers.
Hugs & prayers Beckie. ❤🙏
Thank you, Denice. I feel the prayers ❤️
Beckie, You are in my prayers and this particular blog has lifted me out of a deep depression that hits like you say, like a demon, at certain times as I deal with my loss of Dave and other family issues. I love you, my friend. And God has given you the gift of writing that will help as well.
Mary,
Oh, how you have come to my mind often. I’m so glad to hear this post has lifted you out of the depression of grieving the loss of your husband. I certainly know how it comes and subsides. I’m continuing to pray for you, sweet friend.
Lord, wrap Mary in your loving care. Bring her tangible things each day to lift her spirits. Keep the enemy of depression back. In the powerful name of Jesus Christ!
I appreciate your prayers and support.
Let’s keep our eyes on Jesus the author and sustainer of our faith.
Hugs!
I’m so, so sorry, Beckie. I pray God gives you a special measure of His tender loving grace to hold you up through all this. Love and blessings to you!
Trudy,
Thank you. I feel the prayers and love lifting me up.
Beckie,
You have an army of prayer warriors behind you. Karen, myself, James and Sandra are all praying for that glorious recovery that is coming to you. Your book club is also right there with us praying as only children can, full of hope knowing that God can and will deliver you. At church the other day we were reminded that God’s victories for us come not because of us but rather through us by God’s Spirit and so shall this become.
You are loved more than you know.
Dave (and crew), thanks for you friendship, encouragement, and prayers.
I’m hanging on to Jesus. One step at a time.
Keep digging deep. God has got you in this journey. Praying for you always my friend.
Jonathan, thank you. I appreciate the prayers, friend.
Beautiful post Beckie. What an amazing testimony of knowing Jesus and the Gospel. I am praying for you often. There is nothing our King can’t do!
Emily,
Thanks for your continued support, prayers, and friendship.
Much love to you, sister ❤️
My heart goes out to you, Beckie!! Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and honest testimony of what God is doing in your life. I’m thankful He’s there, holding your hand, and leading you day by day. Praying for His abundant grace and healing for you. And sending hugs too!
Thank you, Savanna!
I’ve gone through this same feelings! I jumped off the doctors chair I threw medication on the floor saying No this is not me!!! I was healthy young 30 year old never had a child. Well that week was horrifying for me I blamed my grandma she had ovarian cancer. I knew I had to make a decision. Well a year later I had hysterectomy actually didn’t consent til 5am pre opt. 30 years later I’m doing fine! No children!
Suzanne,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m so relieved you’re okay. Was it cancer? Did you do chemotherapy?
I’m adding my prayers for your healing! May God bless you and your family as you travel this unwanted journey. Love and blessings and prayers!
Thank you, Julie. God is bigger!
I was given your information from a dear Friend…my journey is just beginning…Thursday is my first oncologist visit God willing as I tested positive for Covid but have not had symptoms for a couple days…,if it is His will. 🙏🏽 Thank you for sharing your journey.
Susie,
I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. So glad this post was encouraging. I’m covering you in prayer. May God’s peace and healing be yours!
Susie, Oh how I pray God is giving you the strength, peace, and even joy! Thank you for letting me know this post was an encouragement to you.