Well, it seems the dreaded demon of cancer has reared its ugly head. I backspaced and reworded that first line several times.  But there’s no delicate way to say my stage 4 ovarian cancer has recurred because there’s nothing delicate about cancer.

Cancer is an insidious thief with a mission to steal, kill, and destroy. 

“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy . . .”

And yet, this is only the first part of the well-known verse from John 10:10 spoken by Jesus Christ. 

“. . . I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

So, despite my emotions that have bounced around more than a tennis ball at Wimbledon, I am choosing to focus on the latter half of the verse. 


I have shifted my gaze from the disease that threatens to kill to Jesus who promises to heal. 

Trust me, this takes concerted effort. It’s spiritual muscles that I am continually exercising and strengthening. Now, before I give you the impression that I wear a superhero’s cape and mask—I have something else to tell you. Alone, I am just not strong enough, focused enough, holy enough, or anything enough.

That’s the crux:  I can’t. God can. 

The spiritual muscles I am referring to are the ones in my legs— more specifically, my knees when they hit the ground in surrender to God’s perfect and pleasing will. 

Oh, yeah. We’re going there—God’s will versus our will.

So, what does this “abundant life” look and feel like?

I mean, Jesus says that we can have this abundant life, but then He also tells us in John 16:33 NLT “Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

How do I reconcile this suffering alongside abundance, Jesus?

And while I’m at it, how do I reconcile the scripture about healing from Isaiah 58:8 that you gave me the first time I had cancer? Oh, and what about all the other suffering that’s happening to YOUR image bearers, YOUR precious children? 

Reconcile: To settle, resolve. To make consistent or congruous. To check (a financial account) against another for accuracy.

Hmmm, to check against another—If I believe God is the all-knowing, all-loving Great I Am who sent His Son Jesus to suffer and die in our place, I must also take into account that there is in fact value in suffering.

Friends, I realize this is not a new concept. All of us know on some level the value of suffering. “No pain, no gain” and all that. And we’re all familiar with lessons similar to the one about the butterfly breaking out of the cocoon and the need to strengthen its wings in the suffering process. Blah, blah, blah . . . But when we are the ones doing the suffering, well, that just sucks.

However, when I look back on 2021 when I was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer and all that the Lord taught me, all that He carried me through, I land on this:

If I could erase cancer but had to erase the gifts God gave me through cancer—I wouldn’t. The biggest gift of all was the Giver Himself. 

“My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you (Job 42:5 NLT).” These are the words of Job the author which the book of the Bible is named. You know, that guy who suffered and lost EVERYYYYTHING, and then the Lord restored it all. Job also says in verse two, “I know you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”

God has a plan for suffering. Jesus suffered. It was in the plan. But oh, the benefit!

But It’s hard to see the benefit when I sit at the pity party table with Satan and his demons. Trust me, I’ve done it too many times on this cancer journey. And the demons love it! (see, no superhero cape here)

Picture a dark dungeon with a table where a child of God sits surrounded by grotesque creatures. They chant and chortle, filling this disheartened soul with sad and pitiful thoughts. But God is there in the darkness, too. For nothing can hide His light, and He never leaves one of His beloved children. He’s sitting at another table patiently waiting for His child to join Him and eat in the presence of her enemies. But she has a choice of whether or not to move (free will).

Dear one, when we suffer, we partner with Christ. When we sit at the pity party table, we partner with Satan. 

God’s plans are to prosper me and give me a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Along the prosperous hope-filled road, there will be bumps, twists, pits, storms, and even hurricanes. But take heart, my fellow sojourner—Jesus has conquered and overcome, and so will you and I!

“In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us”’ (Romans 8:37).

We read in the Bible when an army becomes “more than conquerors,” it drives its enemies from the battle and confiscates their food and supplies. There are spoils to be taken!

Yes, suffering is difficult. But oh, the eternal spoils to be gained!

So, as I wait for a surgery date to remove the new tumors in my belly, and then go into weeks of toxic chemotherapy drugs, I will be on the lookout for the spoils. I am a precious daughter of the King of kings. I am a warrior princess. My armor is in place. My God is fighting this battle with me. His heavenly angels are with me, too. But I also know, there is great power in prayer. I would appreciate your prayers, my friends. And I too would like to pray for you. 

One final thing to share. I’ve been typing this post in my bathrobe. I was midway through when my doorbell rang. It was a young man named Rafael soliciting solar energy (Ugh! Insert eye-roll emoji). I was so irritated to be bothered when I’m typing this inspired message. Lol! Anyyyywayyy, I kindly told this kid that I’m battling cancer (hence the robe) and don’t want to think about solar at this time.

“I know you’re just doing your job,” I said in an attempt to soften my rejection. “And I hope the next house will be better.”

Thirty minutes later, the doorbell rings again. There stood Rafael with a bouquet of flowers. With tears in my eyes, I thanked him and told him about the post I was writing. Rafael admitted that he wasn’t sure if there is a God, but he does believe that there is still good in this world.

His act of kindness allowed me to share with Rafael about God, the creator of this world. 

Isn’t God good? He used a stranger to bring me a glimpse of the eternal spoils!

Cancer, you do not win!


I’d love to hear your comments and prayer requests in the comments below. 

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More posts on cancer:

Finding Joy and Peace in Cancer

Patience During Ovarian Cancer

Accepting Help

Living in the NOW (even with cancer)

What Are the Odds?

The #1 Lesson I’ve Learned Through Cancer

The Holiness Dare

When God Shows Up

All Things Are Possible





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