Six Warning Signs of a Hard Heart

Christians are supposed to be big hearted, kind and loving—right?

I’ve been a Christian for many years and the truth is, the longer I serve in ministry, the more I realize I need to guard my heart against becoming hard.

Like a police officer who sees crime and tragedy on a regular basis, he develops a way of dealing with the pain. This is a healthy and natural by-product of the job. Hey, it might even be a by-product of life. But if we don’t monitor things carefully, our hearts can become hard.

A hard heart isn’t an attractive attribute. In the Bible, we read that Pharaoh had it and the Pharisees specialized in it. And we’re all familiar with the Grinch, who’s known for having a heart two sizes too small. Not exactly the greatest company!


  1. You no longer believe the best in people. Even when you first meet someone, you’re thinking what could go wrong rather than being open to learning about the person.
  2. You find it difficult to celebrate and you don’t really cry.
  3. Much of what’s supposed to be meaningful feels mechanical. This means work, personal relationships of family and friends.
  4. Passion is rare. For anything.
  5. You stop genuinely caring.
  6. Time in prayer is numb or nonexistent.


Your focus is on performance and patterns rather than people. People have certain predictable ways. Cynicism can develop when you only see symptoms and patterns rather than the people beneath them.

You stop looking for what’s good in people and situations. Life is full of trials and disappointments; and people are, well, people. It’s easy to slip into the trap of looking at the shortcomings and problems.

You over-protect a broken heart. People mess up. Trust is broken. Hopes are dashed. This is life. These things happen to us all. It’s easy to stop trusting and believing by building barriers that hurt cannot penetrate. The trouble is, not much else will penetrate either.

You accept a hardness of heart. Let’s face it, sometimes when we’re angry and/or hurt, we want to be that way. We don’t want to get over it.


It’s very simple, really. But what’s simple isn’t always easy. Give your hard heart to God.

I spend time in prayer, Bible reading and worship daily. You’d think this would prevent me from developing a hard heart. Well, that just isn’t the case. It wasn’t the case for Jonah, king David, or for many others, we read about in the Bible.

We’re human and we must guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23.).

I remember realizing there was a disconnect in my prayer life. God brought to my attention an area of hardness towards someone I love. Let me stop here and say this: God is a good God, and only brings things like this to our attention to help, not condemn. Even still, I didn’t like it!

The hardness was causing separation between myself and God and was bleeding out into many areas of my life. It always does. So, after wrestling with God a lot on this issue, I finally cried out for His help.

The conversation between the Lord and me went like this:

Me: God forgive me. I know this isn’t working. I need a new heart like in Ezekiel 36:26, a clean heart like David (Psalm 51:10).

God: What would a new heart look like?

Me: Since it’s new, it wouldn’t have grudges and things that make it hard.

God: You cannot have a new heart and hold onto old grudges and attitudes. The truth is, you want it both ways. A new heart and old ways. I cannot do that for you. I make beautiful things that play together like harmonious music. What you’re asking for is discordant.

Me: Lord, what then? What can I do?

God: Oh child, give me those things. The grudges, the hurts, the anger.

Me: But God, if I give them to You, it’s like they never happened. It’s like saying it’s okay that I was hurt. It let’s those who hurt me off the hook. Also, I don’t want to get stepped on again!

God: What good are those things really doing you?

Me: (long pause) Those things are making me sick, bitter and keeping me from moving closer to You, God.

God:  “I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.”(Ezekiel 36:26) Daughter, you must be willing to give me your old heart. It’s an exchange. Give me the old heart with its grudges, stains, and attitudes. Then I’ll give you a new, clean heart. You’ll never find a better bargain.

When you recall the old ways, (and you will) I want you to visualize whatever it is, but behind it, I want you to see with the cross. It will be an exchange: your old way of handling the situation with mine. My way is the cross.

It will take conscious effort, but every time you do this, your heart will grow deeper roots in Me.

So, how’s your heart? Is this something you struggle with too? 


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14 thoughts on “Six Warning Signs of a Hard Heart”

  1. Beckie — thanks for the share — like most people and or Christians I too acknowledge I have had a hard heart from time to time. Today’s society I think contributed to my feeling that way at times. It’s really no longer safe to help someone stranded along a road or help someone who might need help in fear of getting sued or assaulted. I have to adjust my compassion at times and soften my heart. I know God will take care of me but sometimes I lack the proper amoun of compassion because I let outside circumstances influence me. I work on it daily. Thanks for the post.


  2. Wow, Beckie, just WOW! This was such an incredibly important piece for Christians to read! I could see dangerous thought patterns of my own here, such as the lie of thinking we need to “remember” what happened to us so we don’t get hurt again. It’s actually God’s job to do that; for He is The One Who protects us! It’s also easy if you’ve been abused in childhood, to be wary of people who actually do care. I try to tell myself that I am one of those very people who care about others, so I’m sure sometimes people don’t know if they can believe that I really want to help them. If I am compassionate, then there are others who are compassionate too. We have to ask God whom we can trust. I love how you admitted your own shortcomings in this area of the heart. It will only draw more people to you, and because of that, draw them closer to Jesus. Thank you for sharing such a convicting, yet loving post. May God bless you, Beckie, and may He continue to keep our hearts new in Him! 💙❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Angela, the thing with a hard heart is, it happens little by little. It’s so important to stay close to the Lord to recognize the signs. You brought up a valid point about those who have a background of abuse. Out of self-preservation, a hard exterior is built. In this case, only the Lord can help us to learn He can be trusted, and He can give us wisdom to trust in others again.
      I’m so pleased this was a helpful post to you. Your comment means so much.


  3. This one statement really caught my attention: “Your focus is on performance and patterns rather than people.” This one really shook me, Beckie, because it nailed me to the wall. This is me far too often in my interactions. I have this poisonous mindset often, but I never would have diagnosed it so well as you did. I EXPECT people to behave/converse in certain ways when I am around them. And if they don’t act the way I want them to, i.e. with kindness, pleasantness, tenderness, etc…………well, admittedly, I get really frustrated and start thinking badly of them. And then I want to be away from them, not with them. And this has often hardened my heart towards them. The problem is that I make myself, not Jesus Christ, the center of the universe when this happens. I pray that the Spirit uses your post to help me soften up towards others, and move toward them in love! God bless you, sister. (-:

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This post is practically instructive. I first noticed a professional hardness of heart with nurses in my place of residence. The older ones in the profession had lost empathy. It was so bad being in a situation and getting terrible comments of inconsideration thrown at you.

    Followers of Lord Jesus should guard their hearts diligently and remind one another that love is the way. This will guard against the hardness of heart by sin.

    I will keep in touch, hope you will too.

    Firm words Beckie.

    Liked by 1 person

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